just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize