Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
