smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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