He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
