I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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