We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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