Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
