i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
