i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
