im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
