Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
