Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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