could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.