i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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