3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
