Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
