a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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