I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
