I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
