I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
