I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
