so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
