Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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