Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
