it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
