if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
