You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
