You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
