I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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