..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
