I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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