I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
