Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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