How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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