There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
