I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
