Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
