It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I want a musical about memes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize