Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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