I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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