Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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