we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
