I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
