They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
