well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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