Just fell off a train. Bad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my being single is dangerous.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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