Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
