He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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