two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize