You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
