i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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