I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
