there's paper in my vomit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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