i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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