i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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