i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
