Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
