sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
