i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
