i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
