Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
