There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
