I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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