i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
