I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
