You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
BRING THE BAGELS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
