i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
